Highlights and Lead Stories from the Red Pepper Uganda's first Tabloid.
Monday, 30 June 2008
Red Pepper offices were attacked by eleven gangsters armed with AK 47 rifles on Saturday night. The eleven armed men over powered the four guards at the Red Pepper offices and headed straight to the printing press setting it ablaze. A generator worth 100 million was destroyed in the process.
The gangsters new their way around the building that they even tampered with the CCTV cameras. The attack lasted 10 minutes. According to Musiime the explosives that were used to blow the printing press were home made bombs.
Last month a similar attack had been planned on the red pepper offices in which four unknown people with jerrycans of petrol attacked the offices. They were later defeated by the Red Pepper guards.
Sunday, 29 June 2008
The new master plan on how president Museveni intends to consolidate his rule for another five years has leaked. As part of the plan, Maj Muhoozi is ready to counter the growing opposition that want to throw Museveni out of power. These are some of the measures put in place.
Monitoring of opposition cars with spy gadgets from the time they leave their homes and back. 24 hour surveillance gadgets will be placed on gates for people the state considers to be very dangerous. This will also help in curbing NRM spies who leak information to state enemies. Government is in its final stages of bringing in CCTV cameras to boost the operation.
Security takes over social places. Most bars be it small or big have been and continue to be closely monitored. Neutralize ADF -The President has tasked the Joint Anti Terrorist Task Force to ensure ADF does not raise its ugly head in Kampala. Attack Kony from Congo - It has been resolved to attack the 'the late Kony's' remnants from Congo headed by Ceaser Acellam. Army Reshuffle, Mengo, the Thorn in the Flesh, Tear gas for Demonstrations, Anti Riot Police Officers train in France and Egypt, constitutional changes planned to amend articles that restrict a president from taking over the post without 51% majority win, Recruitment of Youths to the tune of over 10,000 from all the universities, Freezing Tycoon's Accounts, Political defections of some opposition leaders to NRM and finally economic independence via oil. By 2011 Museveni's government should be self financing, so issues of aid cut should be un heard of then.
- Muhoozi starts Fresh Course in Airforce Command
Saturday, 28 June 2008
Only four days after the burial of their national chairman, Dr. Sulaiman Kiggundu, FDC members are already urging former Buganda Katikiro, Dan Mulika to formally join the party and become their national chairman. Mulika is very radical and militant and relates very well with the youths amongst whom he enjoys a sizeable following.
- Police Hunt down notorious gang of thieves
- Opposition want more Kony ''Jokes''
Onino Vol.1 No.6 Sat, June 28-Jul 04, 2008
Details of why bumlicious Nvanungi can never settle in any relationship and be married emerge. Her mother gave her juju to keep away horny men and died before she could un do it. She was the only one who could un do it. Another reason available to the Onion is that when you are in a steady relationship with her and you do not satisfy her you will die. Some of the men in her life have been John Segawa, Lebanese guy called Anderson, the late Basoga Nsadhu, the late Kevin Aliro, Pastor Obiri Yeboa, Charles Lubwama, the late Lucky Dube, Patricko Mujjuka and Basajjakambwe the late CBS presenter.
Friday, 27 June 2008
A scandal involving a hubby to a female State Minister from West Nile has been unearthed. The man in question was snatched from another woman last year making headlines in most of the papers. He has impregnated a bar maid from Kirekka only known as Lucy. "He is the only man I have slept with. I had just got this job, he came ate pork, over drunk and ended up with me in bed" Lucy said. The Musoga lady attempted suicide on realizing she was pregnant. Relatives of Lucy later narrated the ordeal to the minister and she charged by telling them ''you are fools. How can you say my hubby shafted this little monkey(Lucy) Disappear at once before I drag you to prison now"
The minister and the hubby do not see eye to eye and a sex ban has been slapped on the man. Lucy intends to abort.
- Kony Peace Team Quits over Matsanga
- FDC tells M7 to cough Mabira Cash
- Basoga form body to fight jiggers
- Pride Manager disappears with shs 98M
- CELEBS who can't dare compete for Miss Uganda - Catherine Kusaasira, Faridah Zalwango, Daisy, Titie Tabel Bella, Sarah Zawedde, Barbara Yata, Sister Slave
Thursday, 26 June 2008
The Death of the FDC Chairman, Dr. Sulaiman Kiggundu has badly dented Museveni's popularity among Baganda and Muslims. It has also reminded them of the over 700 jobs that were lost with closure of Greenland Group of Companies founded by Dr.Kiggundu.
- Security plants Gadgets in DP Office
- M7 Shuffles Commanders ahead of LRA Assault
- Bobi Wine paid Ugx 25M to send Jingo Sho to jail.
- Peter Miles hooks new Babe, Dumps Cleopatra
- Model Nakumizza who is also a former Miss Uganda contestant is grassing.
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Details have emerged of how the late Dr.Kiggundu splashed 4billion on Besigye campaigns.The idea behind the splashing was if Besigye was elected President, he could in turn make him Vice President. Donors at the time were not willing to spend money on campaigns they were not sure would be successful and that was the time Besigye had been arrested limiting his plans of soliciting for funds. That is how Dr.Kiggundu came in squarely. Other programs financed by Kiggundu were the FDC Delegates conference, Presidential Campaigns and Court battles.
- Mourners heckle at PM Nsibambi as he delivered President Museveni's condolence message
- Kyabazinga's health continues to worry Busoga
- Kamyuka's young brother, Ivan is cheating on Yata with Mya of Blu3
- Capital FM's DJ Ronnie dumps Caldina after three months
Monday, 23 June 2008
Startling details on FDC Chairman's Death emerge.
Sad to report: Credible details on the demise of Forum for Democratic Change (FDC) Chairman, Dr. Sulaiman Kiggundu indicate he was poisoned. The FDC organized a massive party card sale at constitutional square on the 17.Nov.2006 however this was blocked by police. Kiggundu had arrived at the venue earlier to welcome the party President, Dr.Kizza Besigye. The party President arrived at the venue something that forced police to swing into action and during the scuffle Kiggundu was reportedly injected with a chemical and later led to the police station. Kiggundu was released later in the day and he revealed to the party faithfuls that he could not live long after being injected with a suspicious substance while at the constitutional square. Kiggundu was rushed to S.Africa by the children to establish what the substance was and the doctors in South Africa reported that the toxin was a slow killing compound which is extremely strong and could not be removed completely from the body.
- Muhwezi Suspended from State House Functions
- Kony will come back in Coffin - M7
- Chinese fights Blu3's Jackie - Angenoir last Thursday had free drama as Weasle's Chinese bonkmate almost beat up Jackie Chandiru of Blu3. For close to 4 months Jackie and Chandiru have been seeing each other.
- Naava Dumped by Kamyuka and Obua.
Sunday, 22 June 2008
Secrets have started to emerge from the corridors of power regarding the methodology President Museveni will use to relinquish power. He intends to leave power in 2016 at the age of 72 and he does not want to be succeeded by a person of his generation. Chances are he will be succeeded by a young man and all pointers show that this may be his son, Maj. Muhoozi Kainerugaba. As a sign of enhancing national unity and reconciliation he also intends to keep the sons of the former leaders around for the posts of Vice President and Prime Minister. The two sons are Minister Kagimu Kiwanuka and Okello Oryem.
- Woman with Kandahar on face is now a tourist attraction
- In Kampala you can get sex at 500 shillings and in some places like Kisenyi a round of local brew(MALWA) equates to steamy sex very easily.
Vol1 No.5 Saturday, June 21-27, 2008 - Spice up your week with the 5th issue of the Onion out now at Ugx: 1,000 from the nearest vendor or supermarket.
Highlights: Qute Kaye Says: Shana Rode him like a horse, Priscilla ate him like a calf and Zawedde begged him to do it. Read about Kirumira and his Four Exotic wives.
Saturday, 21 June 2008
A team of NRM historicals who have fallen out with the system over the years are in final stages of forming a new party that will wrestle president Museveni out of power in 2011. The men and women behind this party have been coordinating clandestinely through emails and phone calls. The NRM rebels have served in the current party in various portfolios but at the same time can;t join Forum for Democratic change because it has failed twice.
Some of the names and posts held by the NRM rebels are listed below:
+ Kizza Besigye - Current FDC President, was the Minister of State for Internal Affairs, Advisor to Minister of Defence etc
+ Mugisha Muntu - Currently he is the head of FDC Mobilization, He was Head director of Military Intelligence, Commander NRA 5th division etc
+ Sam Njuba, John Kazoora, Augustine Ruzindana, Amanya Mushega, Richard Kaijuka, Manzi Tumubweine, Jim Muhwezi, Henry Tumukunde, Jotham Tumwesigye, Mathew Rukikaire, Elly Rwakakooko, Miria Matembe and Serapio Karashan among others..
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Fear and despondency have once again engulfed northern Uganda after two years of total peace as LRA rebels attack. Red Pepper exclusively reveals that Kony rebels have entered Uganda and are in Kitgum. Rebels have fresh instructions to abduct young children who will be taken to Sudan & their organs removed to be sold in Khartoum.
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Major General Muhoozi Kainerugaba, 34 graduated recently from the powerful Fort Leavenworth Command & general staff college in Kansas, USA. The UPDF Officer RO 8643 was among the 800 military students who last week ended a 10-month staff officer intermediate level education course which started in July last year. on returning he is likely to be promoted to the rank of lieutenant colonel or full colonel and posted to head of Chieftaincy of Military Intelligence. This has created a wave of fear among the senior army officers who feel the course has catapulted him in the queue of succession to the presidency.
- Cabinet Reshuffle flops after details leak to MPs
- Terrorists burn another school
- UK Black lists Ugandan Diplomatic Passports
- Mbidde off to South Africa to expose Kayihura,M7's Brutality
- Bobi Brands Bebe Cool a failure
- Nvanungi jammed on the Singles Shelf - She was lonely during Desire Luzinda's album launch
Saturday, 14 June 2008
A number of sex scandals have taken place involving Ministers and Presidential aides. This one in particular involves a minister who died. There was a well qualified man with his degree but with no job and as such he was doing this special hire job. He was certainly not happy with the job now that he had the qualifications. One day a government vehicle stopped by his operating area, a huge Muganda and woman emerged out of the car and asked for his services. They agreed on a price and off they drove but on reaching a dark corner the minister asked the driver to stop, ordered him out of the car and straight away hit the smooth avenue. The lady made a lot of noise. When the two were done the driver introduced himself something that scared the minister. He asked the driver not to tell anyone on condition that he could lobby for a juicy job for him. Since then the young man has never been the same.
- Broke Kazini disowns Jet Mwebaze's Kids, seeks DNA Proof they are his
- MP Nabilla in Nairobi hospital after police shattered her G-string and tore it in pieces
- American Conmen storm Kampala
- Uganda's Faycal expelled from Idols
- BBA 2 Tatiana to jet in town with the Angola team
- Over 65 Ugandans land 3mn hotel and supermarket Jobs in Dubai
Friday, 13 June 2008
Yesterday was the day the Finance Minister Dr.Ezra Suruma read the budget and as the budget speech progressed over 90 legislators stormed out of parliament in protest of how the police handled Kampala district MP, Nabillah and Suzan Nampijja Lukyamuzi.
State Minister for Agriculture, Kibirige Sebunya has been operated on suffering from throat cancer and is currently in Europe. Meanwhile Maj General Jim Muhwezi's wife, Suzan is also in South Africa where she is battling with a serious disease. She is in Coma and should the South African medics fail she will be flown to Europe.
Chameleon did not shower on his wedding day and had unkept hair and nails were dirty. The Bride's gown was dirty too.
Thursday, 12 June 2008
After the earlier story of the Queen cheating on the King with a city Tycoon popularly known as Hajji, the King has retaliated with a sex embargo. He ordered her out of the main house to the boy's quarters. The Queen has been at this for a cool three years with the car selling tycoon. The King discovered something was certainly wrong when he landed on a text massage which only contained a question mark and another that contained a question mark and an exclamation mark. On asking her what those messages were, she was evasive. The number that kept on sending those messages on the Queen's cell phone was unknown. Rumor has it that the City Hajji is HIV positive.
- Kyabazinga Poisoned. - Doctors who were attending to the King have revealed that he was poisoned with a chemical which coukld have finished him off had they not acted very fast.
- Pastor Kayanja deploys over 20 Police officers to guard the church during praying sessions.
- MP Nabillah Nagayi's red G-String got torn as she resisted arrest.
- Oulanya fails to pay rent for four months.
- Oimuke Stranded in Dubai
- Former Ebonies Actress Rita gives up Kyeyo back to Uganda. Rita dumped her boyfriend for a city Lawyer.
- Former Miss Uganda, Dr. Rehema Nakuya back in Uganda with no intentions of going back to UK.
Wednesday, 11 June 2008
General Aronda Nyakairima, Chief of Defence Forces has gone to Southern Sudan to coordinate plans of attacking LRA rebels who are now 300 kms from the Uganda Border. The rebels after sabotaging two years of peace talks are moving in two major groups. The groups are in the command of some senior leaders and not Joseph Kony. UPDF Spokesperson, Paddy Ankuda said:'' Yes, we have been expecting them and there should be no cause for alarm. They should expect a thorough beating for we are ready." Meanwhile a good number of Mambas have been deployed in the North.
Diplomatic sources confirm that LRA is training and enrolling new fighters plus getting sophisticated weapons from the Great Lakes Region.
- Former VP, Specioza Wandira Kazibwe's marriage with Kagimu is on the rocks after being diagnosed with fibroids. She was operated on and advised to scale down on sex to at least once a month in order to live longer. Hajj Habib Kagimu cannot put up with the ban and decided to part ways. Engineer Kazibwe the former husband is not doing any better. He resorted to taking local brew (Tonto).
- RDC and DJ fight for sexy Manager in Moroto. The RDC has been given a run for his manhood by the DJ who seems to treat the sexy manager better. In the process the two had a fight after the RDC learnt of the DJ poaching on his zone. The DJ is currently on drip in a Moroto hospital.
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
One of Uganda's Kingdoms is under attack by a tycoon who has taken on a Queen and the two are having a steamy affair. The tycoon is popularly known as Hajji. In the palace this is no longer news as word has already circulated around between the servants and the royals. The names cannot be revealed now for obvious reasons. The two hooked up on a trip and straight away hit it up like kids having candy.
- Police cites ADF in Rampant School fires
- DP Top secrets Feared Stolen
- Emma Kato Hits Jackpot in Ghana, orders Private Jet
- Govt: No more Talks with Kony
- Some women MP's come to the August house without Panties
- Kumi Mayor, Stephen Omaido netted over death of FDC Boss
- Weasel snubs Jose's wedding
- Kassim Ouma's Ex, Rhoda is Dead
Monday, 09 June 2008
Ugandan Opposition already has links with Obama. USA has two term limits and Uganda recently lifted its term limits to no term limits. Senator Barack Obama was quoted recently by the Uganda media saying that there was no democracy in Uganda. Obama might therefore find it very difficult to liaise with any African country that scrapped term limits.
- Iryn Fails to sing her own songs in Boston, rescued by Eagles Production
- Ssebana, Lukwago Face Arrest for allowing DP youths to use their offices with the use of loud speakers.
- Arsonists burn two more schools
- Barclays Official, Sarah Nabikolo, 47 jailed for 4 years over 400Mn theft.
- Chameleon Bounced from his own Bash - This was at his Bachelors party at Angenoir last Thursday. Several artists performed that night and one of them was master parrot of Ekikompola who this time round sung fire(Omuliro). As the crowd cheered him up and asked him to spice the song a little more he retaliated by saying he was ready to burn anyone who dared to fight that night. This was interpreted by Chameleon differently because he thought Parrot was making fun of him. The moment Parrot left the stage Chameleon went for him and started beating him up. The bouncers intervened and had to throw the two out.
Sunday, 08 June 2008
During the burial of the late speaker of Parliament James Wapakahbulo, President Museveni made a stunning statement in his eulogy. The death of Wapa was a blow to him saying that Wapa was among the three persons. The other two persons on the list were Brigadier Noble Mayombo who died and Mbabazi. Mayombo's ghost is up in arms that his real killers have been let off the hook.
- Besigye trains more Militiamen.
- Museveni Visits Kyabazinga
- Makerere students dominating the number of mentally ill patients at Butabika hospital
Mistakes women make when having sex
+ Leaving him responsible for your orgasm
+ Not moving at all
+ Insisting on the bedroom - try it elsewhere
+ Expecting him to undress you
+ Undressing in the dark
+ Not making any noises at all
+ Not Washing before sex
Saturday, 07 June 2008
Kony in his will to his son he made it clear that when he dies, he should not be buried under the soil but be left above the ground as an Acholi hero. Kony had become so paranoid that he sent away all his 40 wives suspecting they would conspire to kill him. He had accused some of them of sleeping around with his deputy, Otti Vincent.
- Over 1,000 Black Mambas deployed to crush DP Rally
- Terrorists Torch Minister of Education, Namirembe Bitamazire's school
- Campus Whispers: - HB Toxi's brenda Pregnant
- GLAMOUR:- Enhance your waist with a corset
The Onion: Vol.1 No.3: Akon Frenzy - This is how Akon Devoured Me. The babe at sensational Akon one night stand is revealed and she spills all the superstar's bedroom secrets.''We ended up making love in loads of different positions and his stamina was amazing. He just went on and on for ages, making sure I was satisfied."
- Besigye's secret letter to Kyakuwa leaked
Friday, 06 June 2008
The latest on Kony is that US Intelligence and government personnel are suggesting that the Juba peace talks be closed because the LRA rebel leader is no more. Sources close to UPDF in tracking Kony's communication have not tracked any correspondences either on radio or satellite communication. Information from within the LRA seems to suggest that he could have committed suicide in the same style as German dictator, Adolf Hitler.
- Bukenya's sex rival, A.Sebadduka defies court, refuses to pay school fees for kids unless DNA proof reports otherwise.
- Thugs Target Lonely Women - Deputy Inspector General of Police.
- Sex Bonanza - Gaetano's Live sex on satellite TV.
Sexy Nandaula and the then EC Boss, Hajj Aziz Kasujja., Maureen and Code penthouse shafting, Joanita Kyakuwa and Kizza Besigye
- Club Gives 500 creates of Beer to Chameleone
- Kazoora's wedding for 28 of this month
- New Land bill an Investment Threat
Friday, 06 June 2008
At only 1,000 Shillings you get yourself The Greatest Love issue:
Starring Angel Kintu, Debby Sempaka, Winfrey Nanyonjo, Aisha Kyomuhangi & Yamamoto
BBA II Bonkfest pics Leak
Sexography:Helen of HB Toxic - Wait: Helen has a small waist which is slippery like a snake but ready to bite and swallow no matter the size.Noting from the way she twists it while dancing, she seems to be one hell of a lioness that would keep it hot and warm at the same time....
- M7 in Japan to lure back Yamamoto
- Kampala Nursery based somewhere in Naguru puts kids in 8 hour Coma
- Spending hours on a mobile phone may reduce the quality of a man's sperms
January: 2012 - The Onion Tabloid has closed shop as it's nolonger seen on newsstands.
Thursday, 05 June 2008
Nicaragua day and boarding school which is 10 kilometers from Budo Junior school was set ablaze by terrorists. The 44 pupils who were in the dormitory at the time of the fire survived narrowly after the patron came to their rescue.''It was around 4am on Wednesday morning when pupils were woken up by a big bang on one of the windows. Someone suddenly splashed petrol before fire sprung up from the same window". In April Budo Junior School was burnt down and 20 students lost their lives. Investigations are still going on and another school is caught up in a similar tragedy.
- Soldier Caught sleeping in President's Bed
- Dorothy Bukirwa for BBA III
Wednesday, 04 June 2008
Intelligence reports reveal that the security in Uganda has not intercepted any communication from Kony in the last two months. International security agencies used to tap Kony's phone as he gave orders to his commanders but that is not the case anymore. Its two months now and the guy is off the radar. Meanwhile Government is compiling a list of LRA collaborators as the ICC rebukes Uganda's special courts on Kony.It has also urged the capture of Kony dead or alive.
- Onion receives massive reception in the west
- 125 Arrested, 11 Kids lost as Booze, Sex Festival rocked 122nd Martyrs day celebrations at Namugongo.
- Cleric arrested for luring girl to into sex after offering her 20,000 Ugx.
Tuesday, 03 June 2008
Police have arrested a witch doctor who had defiled 15 girls within a period of one month. The girls were being trapped with simple incentives from school. Lungagula was arrested on Friday after the victims innocently told their parents about the ordeal.
- Disaster Awaits Busoga - All is not well with the king as h cannot eat anything on his own nor walk and debts are accumulating in Kampala hospital
- Idi Amin's sister, Hajat Araba Deiyah dies at 83
- Police deploys 4,000 officers to arrest sex gluttons & alcoholics at Namugongo
- Bebe Cool to perform on 27 June 2008, which is Madela's birthday. He has landed the deal after his video: Prison for a reason was aired on Ch.O
- Aldrine sets up a marketing agency called Anfield Communications
- Judges shun laptops even after subsidized price either due to being mean or lack of computer knowledge
- DP Activists flex muscles over police threats. While the DP team prepares for the demo slated for Saturday, the Kiboko squad is preparing for the showdown.''These funny people must go to Kololo and invite the media for coverage or else we shall teach them a lesson a sour lesson,'' a security boss charged.
Monday, 02 June 2008
The President instructed Prime Minister Apollo Nsibambi to write to all ministers regarding the hand over of their offices before the budget reading. The budget reading is slated for the 14 Jun 2008 and passed before 30 Aug 2008. The ministers are to defend their budget proposals before leaving office. The current cabinet was appointed in May 2006 and observers are saying the reshuffle has been long over due
- PGB offers 10Million to nab those leaking news to the Media
- Operation Simba has been launched to nab terrorists
- Kyambogo cutie scoops Miss Ug Jinja
Sunday, 01 June 2008
There is immense panic within UPDF following the may 24 arrest by the International Criminal court of former Congolese vice president Jean-Pierre Bemba. The UPDF army council held a two day crisis meeting at Bombo garrison to try and prevent the possible arrest of 10 generals for aiding Bemba who faces charges in the Hague.
- Museveni meets Ugandans in Japan before he crosses to the US for his son's graduation party on 4.June.2008 at Levenshire Arkansas. Apparently Museveni is all smiles after his son, Muhoozi Kainerugaba finished top in his class.
- Corporate guys have fathered most street kids in Kampala
- 216 FDCs defect to NRM